Life Update: It's Not All Pots of Honey

Anytime you set out to do something, set some goal, you can almost count like clockwork on things going wrong – maybe not even going wrong but just not going as smoothly as you imagined it in your head. You may have even geared up for it, planned it out weeks in advance, done all the calculations, given yourself extra time and resources, had it all sewn up and all but in the bag.

And then you began to actually execute on that plan, started using your gear and motivation and time and resources, and a day, a week, a month in, said oh, man… It happens – even to bears.

See, I got all excited to do this blog. I made up in my mind that I was going to make writing a priority again; I had all the ideas, I had time – I just needed to sit down and write. Simple. I even sat down that first Saturday and knocked out five blog posts, all ready to go for the next week. I had done the final touches on the page to make it look reasonably nice (right?), and I was set to start blogging.

Then Thursday hit, and I had a meeting at work about expectations for me as an employee in the office where I had recently moved. You’re salaried; if you need to work evenings and some of your days off, that’s just what you have to do – it’s what I have to do. You said if we moved you out here, you would kill it. Can you still do it?

But that’s not what I heard. I heard this job has to be your first priority over everything else, especially this cute little writing hobby you think you have.

I honestly wanted to quit. I thought if this is what it’s going to take to be a good employee (and I still want to be a good employee wherever I work) then I can’t do it. Start looking for my replacement.

Fortunately I had friends who were smarter and more honest than me. I think maybe you just have time management issues one of them said.

And he was right. I tried to create stable time where I could do what I wanted, rather than taking whatever time – five, ten, fifteen minutes – and doing whatever I could in that time, instead of waiting for some ideal amount of time to come along.

So I buckled down, and I started using spare moments here and there. And I made progress. And it was great.

Then, I woke up Monday morning, rubbed the blear out of my eyes, and only one eye cleared up. My left eye was still bleary. Tuesday, my left eye was still off. Wednesday. Thursday I called and made an appointment with an eye doctor. I don’t see anything in there, so I’m sending you to a retinal specialist.

Four tests later, yep there’s definitely something wrong with my eye. We’re not entirely sure what it is, or what caused it, but there was definitely some sort of “insult” to the veins or arteries in my eye. What it means for me is generally blurry vision (blurrier, I should say; I already wear contacts), especially a small patch in my left-center field of vision into which cars in the oncoming lane can be swallowed whole until they reappear in my side window.

More importantly, at least at first, it means looking at a computer screen is more of a hassle. For at least a week, I didn’t write anything because I couldn’t get my eyes to focus (or my mind, for that matter) on the screen to be able to write.

But after a week, things got better; my right eye got better at being dominant so I don’t even notice the blurry patch right now. And I said there is no way I’m not going to keep writing, or riding my bike, or pursuing the things I want to pursue. I don’t care what comes up, I will find a way to overcome it and go – or I’ll replace it with some other awesome goal and pursue that. God has prepared a good work in advance for me to do – I’m going to find it and do it no matter what else.

So that’s what’s going on in my life; obstacles and hurdles are coming up, and I’m going under, over, around, or through them. I will press on, and I will achieve what God has put on my heart to achieve.

Life can be a bear; but so can I. And so can you.

Press on, and be awesome!